I walked a mile. Just didn't feel 'right'. Still very jiterry. Did a breathing treatment when I came home. Ate my ggs for breakfast and fixing to have half an orange. Then I am going to finish reading my book! Ichecked it out at the library. It's a christian book and is really good!

Here we go again....

I am planning on restrting the diet today. I didn't sleep well and feel nervous insidel Took my blood sugar and it was a little high so that 's not it.Guess I am just nervous about restarting. Not sre why. I know it will work. It did last time. Mayb it's becauseI know how much work this is going to be???  I have prayed alreadytwice today and will say mor prayrs at the track. I can do this! By the way, I practiced saying 'I am full' and 'no thank you' all day yesterday!

Things I have heard on this trip.. and some blessings

I know we have the garmin but we still need a map!  Really,  like her sweet voice can't find our way there????

I am never, ever living in Kansas...or Nebraska!  I can understand this one.

Only 329 miles til our next turn!!!!!

Steak again????   I think they are secretly missing my cooking on this one!

JoGail, Be Quiet! Understandable !

I can't use my itouch. There's no wifi out here in the middle of nowhere. There's not even any houses!

Corn. More corn. and more corn. Saw it in 4 states!

Can we go back to the Battle of Little Big Horn this morning? This was not said by a female person in the family, by the way!

What do people do out here? I have no idea because there's not much out here that I can see. Lots of grassy plains and some rivers....

JoGail can you please play the quiet game?

I spy with my little eye......cornfields!!!!

Look there's another car on interstate with us! In Montana and Wyoming

We drove halfway through Oklahoma and just now saw another car with an Oklahoma license plate on it! Uhhh this was pretty much true!


Now to the blessings

The wewather has been wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

Coy has driven and not gotten sleepy  even though we haven't had alot of things to look at.

The girls has gotten along realy so far. JoGail has entertained herself and played her games. She has gotten mad when Grace won't play the magnetic tic tac toe game Missy made for her.

JoGail has made friend in every hotel pool she has swam in.

We have seen lots of corn. Which means farmers are having good crops.

We have been able to eat good food. We have not eaten at McDonald's yet!
The girls have tried new foods.

I have had my Bible study in the car every day. Been nice. No excuse not to have it.

I have seen Grace reading her Bible in the back seat. She is learning and trying.

I have apparently caught up on some much needed sleep!

The girls have been to a real, 1960's style motel. Complete with a flyswatter hanging in the closet. They loved it!

We have seen beautiful countryside and desolate highways!

We saw the biggest dandelions we have ever seen at Battle of the Little Big Horn!

Purple mountain flowers are beautiful!

No diet this week!

No diet this week...we are on vacation! And having a blast! Yesterday we made it to the Underground Salt Mine in Kansas. Wow it was awesome! We went 650 underground in less than  a minute, partially in compete, I mean complete darkness! We learned how they mine the salt. It's really pretty interesting. It was a cool 68 degrees underground as well! Very interesting!

Then this morning we go tup early and hit the trail to Mt. Rushmore. Totally worth  the drive! My walking paid off as I was able to walk the trails with the family. Lots of steps. and what goes down must come up! THen we hit the trail to the Battle of the Little Big Horn Monument. SO interesting! Of course we got the Coy Holcombe crash course on teh way there, so we kind of knew what happended. What was interesting to me was there were little kids everywhere at Rushmore and hardly any here. Mostly older men. I'm guessing vets. Grace really seemed to enjoy this. JoGail wa smore interested in the free range horses Coy's done great driving. I can't say that I have stayed awake very well, though. I must have been really tired! I've slept in teh car most mornings til about 9 then I kind of start waking up. Speaking of which, I need to go to bed so I can stay awake tomorrow!

Just for you!!!!

Heard this song the other day and thought it was appropriate and oh so true......just knowing people ar epraying fo rme boosts my confidence. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

More than You'll Ever Know.....


Something brought you to my mind today


I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh

And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you

Something about just being with you

When I leave I feel like I've been near God

And that's the way it ought to be...



CHORUS:

'Cause you've been more than a friend to me

You fight off my enemies

'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life

And you'll never know what it means to me

Just to know you've been on your knees for me

Oh, you have blessed my life

More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah

More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah



You had faith, when I had none

You prayed God would bring me a brand new song

When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing

And all the while I'm hoping that I'll

Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me

And that's the way it ought to be...



You have carried me

You have taken upon a bruden that wasn't your own

And may the blessing return to you

A hundredfold, oh yeah...

Scriptures and chasing rabbits

OK. so I have been scripture hunting today. Trying to find the verse that the MOST meaningful to me on my journey. It's kind of like taking a multiple choice test....you know you narrow it down to the last two answers then have to pick the BEST answer.....I have more than two choices...5 to be exact. And I have to think some more about which one is the BEST one for me to choose as my verse.

Here they are in no particuliar order....

Jeremiah 32:27
I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?

Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, "This cannot be done by man. But with God all things are possible."

Psalm 34:17
Those who are right with the Lord cry out. And He hears them. And He takes them from their troubles.

I Peter 5:6-7
So put away all pride. You are standing under the powerful hand of God. At the right time He will lift you up.

Colossians 3:15
Let the peace of Christ have power over your heart. You were chosen to be a part of His body. Always be thankful.


Chasing a rabbit here.....
Now you have to understand my Bible is a simple to read translation. It's the New Life translation. It was a translation that was done specifically for the Eskimos in Alaska. I have two complaints about it. 1. They are hard to find. 2. It's a paperback Bible. I love that Bible. It is so easy to read and it helps me apply it to my life. I just love that translation.

And another wild rabbit.....
JoGai land I made Baked pineapple for the dessert for the meal at church tonight. I am going to miss doing that with her once school starts! Part of our fun is reading recipes and deciding which one to make. She has such a gift for tasting things and baking things.

So I am going to focus on these verses while I am on vacation. So tha tI will be ready when I get back to restart my journey....providing I get the go ahead from my sinus doctor tomorrow. It's hard for me to tell how my sinuses are doing. I know that I am desensitized to them when they swell and hurt. It has to get really really bad before I even notice it.

Another rabbit......
Did anyone else see Oprah on Monday? I normally don't watch her but was resting on the couch when it came on and was too lazy to chagne the channel. She had Dr. oz on there and he was talking about the silent killer...diabetes. It was interesting the way he explained it. Did you know exercising lowers your chance of getting diabetes by 60% -and that's only esercising 30 mins 4 times  a week. Pretty shocking. Something I need to file away for motivation! he talked about how sugar in my blood stream is like pieces of glass. It's keeps poking my blood cells. And you can reverse diabets but you can't reverse the side effects. Of course he also tlaked about how rampant diabetes is becoming since we eat more processed foods and do less physical labor. I think he said the average American consumes 50 pounds of white sugar a year! That double the amount from a generation ago. The best preventative advice he gave was to avoid white flour, sugar, and white rice and, of course, exercise....things that are all part of my diet!

We have a busy busy day planned for tomorrow. Lots of errands and chores to get done. Lots of thinking for me to do, too.....I need to claim my verse the day we get back. I have recleaned out the pantry, fridge and freezer, so temptation should be gone.  No more Blue Bell, no more cheese on everything, no more salsa, no more BBQ sauce. I am planning on doing the 3 day start up next Friday, Sat and Sun. That should ge tme kick started again and wipe most of the carbs out of my system again. Yes, I am dreading it but I know it must be done. Then it's back to the book and writing everything down again!!! Yay....NOT!

Getting ready

I have several things I am getting ready for this week. One is vacation. Yes, I have to get ready for vacation. As OCD as I am I have to have every in its place before I leave. I do not like coming home to a messy house. I will go so far as to empty the dishwasher before we leave. I think I get this from my mom because I remember her being this way when we were growing up. I already have several lists to double check everything.

The other thing I am getting ready for is to go back on my diet. I know what a struggle it will be. I have had a  had a fatty, cholesterol weekend (mostly by my choice)  and am missing my fruits and veggies! So in preparation for going back on the 'natural' diet, I am praying specifically that I will know when I am full and will stop eating at that point. That's my focus this week. No, I can't really follow the 'natural' diet on vacation, but I can make some good choices while we are out and about.  So please pray specifically for me about this.

When I first started this journey I realized that I had to have God's help. Unfortunately I feel like I got away from that way of thinking as it went on. Ultimately, though, I know in my heart that all my success so far has been BECAUSE he  helped me. I am looking for a good Bible verse to help remind myself of this. Anyone have a suggestion????  I want something I can memorize, write down everywhere and write on my heart forever. Kind of like a fireman's training. They tell you that you're training will kick in when you need it most. I want my Biblical training to kick in! I need some susggestions because you may have found something I haven't! I know my prayer request isn't life threatening or as as serious as some other's needs, but it is my need.  I believe God doesn't rank needs. He helps everyone who asks him. I listen to my daughter pray and she says the most simple, wonderful prayers that remind me every time that God is so intestered in our everyday, ho hum life. Even if we are trying to lose weight, he is interested. Think about it. Think about how much more we could serve Him if we feel better and have more energy!  And what a testimony to others that HE has helped you accomplish your goals!

~Laurie

Randomness (as Grace would say)

AAAAHHHH Wednesday.....or am I sad because it's WEdnesday and another summer week is almost gone????   Today was supposed to be a relaxing day. JoGail had a movie date with Deanna. Grace had macjkenzie over to work on their mission trip stuff.....pretty relaxing.......welll......it started last night when Coy realized Grace's new glasses are crooked. Yep, means a trip to Athens. Had to go today...compy day tomorrow, etc. THen he wakes me up at 6:15 and tells me he HAS to have more mylanta today...6:15 am! So I plan my trip, which must include taking Grcae since she has to be there to get her glasses fixed. So I call the place and yes they are open and 1:00-1:1o would be great. So we get there. They are closed on Wednesday afternoon......yep, not gonna be a good conversation tomorrow. How can you work there and not know when you are closed????   So we head to CVS for the mylanta. (They have extra care bucks) So I get the stuff and wait and wait and wait and wait at the checkout. I finally said hello is there anyone here who can checkout??? They were standing behind the picture counter talking....irritated me, especially after coming from the eye doctor's place. But then I went to Hallmark and all was right with the world.....;)

I came home and moved the 'back 40' for Coy. I decided that is one definate benefit of the prednisone (yep, still on it). I can mow or work outside and NOT get sick! While I was sitting on the mower thinking, I realized that I might mow because I'm not eating when I am out there! HA!  It was hot. I felt sick when I came in. When coy came home he chided me for being out there....something about a heat advisory??? By the way, I never stay awake long enough to see the news. I fall asleep. I catch bits and pieces in the mornings before walking and quite frankly I don't miss it. So I went on to church and helped with the supper and Wacky Wednesday. Luckily today we had planned on leftover ice cream for the kid's snacks. I feel better now. I actually had a pancake. It was good. I don't usually eat alot of pancakes....I think we had overkill on them when we were kids, but man could I eat them back then! Maybe my aversion to them now is because my mama isn't making them.....hummmm might be on to something there !

So th epreacher calls this afternoon.....wants Coy to speak at the 100th anniversary celebration on Saturday! I wish I could be there, but JoGail and I have a party, umm I mean wedding to go to! She has been planning her outfits for sometime! We also get to see Grammy and PawPaw for a breif visit. JoGail is so excited. She will be the only grnadkid there. Grace and Coy are staying home to make sure she has everything together for her mission trip, get haircuts, go eat pizza, etc. They will have a good time. JoGail and I should be back in time to see her off and then go eat at Hernandez! By the way I have figured out what I can get there that doesn't blow my diet too bad....a single chicken flauta. No rice and no beans. And I allow myself ten chips with hot sauce.

Speaking of my diet plan.......my plan of attack is this: once I get off the prednisone and back from vacation.....do my three day beef and veggies theing then hit the plan again with NO cheats. Period. But that's another post for another day....I go back to Southwest Thursday to see how things are doing in sinusland.

When I started this post I thought I would answer some random questions, so here goes....


If I could go anywhere in the world where would it be? This one is hard for me. I don't aspire to be a world traveller but here are things I would like to see. Several places on my to see list include France (for the pastries), Greece, and Spain. These places have always intrigued me! Oh and the New England states in the fall.

What one person has made the most influence in my Christian walk? This is hard, too. I would have to say Tommy Kasner, #8, in my family had a huge influence. He was so giving and such a happy person. Another person would have to Wanda Champion, my Sunday School teacher when I was in high school. A group of persons would have to be the missionionaries I worked with in Brownsville for two summers and Connie and Dwight!

What do I want to see my girls accomplish? My goals for them are to be loving, giving Christian ladies. If they meet this goal then everything else will fall into place! They both have Jesus in their harts, so they are on the right track!


What do I want to do when I retire?   (Looks like right now I will be eligible for retirement in 12 short years !)

I don't know. Coy has so many plans.....I'll probably end just trying to keep up with him! Last I heard he wants to open a pie shoppe. Yeah.....He'll have a couple of years to get it up and going before I can retire...maybe by then I can bake some bread that isn't hard as a hockey puck! ;)

What' s my favorite food? I used to say ice cream....and yes, that's still wonderful....sparingly, but I would have to say BBQ chicken is still pretty high on my list.

What verse am I working on memorizing? Paslm 31:10. It's a good one!


~Laurie

A Girly Girl day.....with Grace

Good morning! I have been up early this Monday with a headache. Probably jsut a nervous headache sisnce today is the day I take Grace to Children's. I just don't know WHAT to expect! Probably all it is! She's up and already ready for workouts. This is her last week since she has her mission trip next week. I think she's a little sad she will miss the last week of workouts, but also happy that' she gets to go on a mission trip! I can't believe she's old enough to go on one!


10:30 PM Same night....

Oh my we had so much fun! race and I didn't get back until 9:30 or so. We had sooo much fun....once we got through at the doctor's! It was a two hour appointment!

My day started with about a 2 hour walk at the track.....we lost track of how far we went....we just get walking and talking! Several were getting back from vacations and mini vacations so we had alot to talk about! It was overcast which kep tthe temperature down so we just kept going.....one more slow lap turned into 4 more slow laps! I so wish I could figure out how to keep walking during the school year. Any ideas? Getting up earlier means walking in the dark. Walking when I come in means a late supper and I have trouble falling asleep sometimes plus we have activities at night. I'm considering doing it as asoon as I get home...regardless. I just don't have the confidence that it will work!

After we got cleaned up we took JoGail to Jaci's. Those two can have so much fun together. The don't need to be entertained.....trust me, they entertain themselves. And they usually include Jaci's little sister, so that's a big help to Julie. They rarely watch tv or movies...they are usually outside or playing dress up or (OK only after Coy taught us that the antenae has to be up for the Garmin to work....)We went to the doctor first. Thankfully they were on time. I think she felt like a weirdo because evidently Children's is a teaching hospital, so there were all kinds of ears listening to her story today. I remember feeling that way when I was pregnant and went to Scott and White.  They want to up her medicine a little. I am cautious about this, but we'll try it for a week and see. Then we found Northpark...only 5 miles from Children's!!!!  We hit Victoria's Secret much to the dismay of Grace. Once she got in there she was much better and I think actually enjoyed it. Then we went to Macy's and I plopped her in a chair and promptly told the lady she needed to be taught how to put makeup on. Hayleigh did a great job! We'll see how much Grace applies! Then we shopped. I found some stuff at Macy's and Grace looked for school shirts. She discovered, on her own, that her wide shoulders make it hard to fit iinto the cute little t shirts she thought she wanted. So we struck out there. BUT she did find some Chuck Taylor basketball shoes she has been wanting. White. Just like we used to wear. I remembe rbeing in 7th-8th grade and gettign hand me down shoes from the high school and we had shoes like that. We alkso had polyester uniforms in high that had a collar that had to be ironed, but we won't go there!)Then we foudn the cheesecake factory. OH MY! Grace asked me if it was on my diet......I promptly told her that this was NOT a diet day. She had th shrimp and angel hairpasta and I had fried zuchinni and chicken croquettes. We brought home half our food and didn't have an inch of room for dessert.....sad when you are at Cheesecake Factory! Then we found the Mega Half Price Book store. Biggest bookstore we had ever been in! That was a great way to end Grace and Mom's day together. We just enjoye dit and enjoyed being together. It blows my wee little mind away when I thin kthat she will be a freshman in high school this time next year. She's growing up fast!

Changes

I have been really really frustrated lately with my eating. I am sick of the prednisone. Sick of feeling like I haven't eaten in months. Waking up in the middle of the night starving....starving people...around 3:00-3:30. I have limited my early morning risings to the bedroom. I can't let myself leave it or I eat. And eat! And I have been eating supper again with the family. Not my diet foods. That has good points and bad points. More salt, I am sure. But there's something about everyone eating the same thing that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! While I am frustrated with the weight moving up the scale (just a weee bit) I am forced to think about the positive chagnes that have come about in my life in the last 6 months. Yes, I will get back on my diet. I will take my supplements and eat my special food-just not now. (I think it would be pointless and a total waste of money with the meds in me like they are).  Now to the positive things that have come  about since February 17!

I eat less processed foods. Still not cooking much with things from a can such as cream of soups. Or chicken broth.

I eat more fruit. I discovered I love cherries. I buy them frozen in the bag and thaw them. Yummo! Remember all those strawberries I froze a couple of weeks ago? I'll blend them with sprite zero for a tasy snack!

I read labels.

I put things back on the store shelf if I can't pronounce the ingredients or don't like what I read on the labels.

I have discovered 900+ways to cook zuchinni and mushrooms....my veggies of choice. Even before the summer that was my veggies.....broil the zuchinni and cook the mushrooms in a little real butter. Now I have a plethora (there's your word, Gina!) of ways to cook them, most with little fat. (just a little bit of real butter!)

I eat whole wheat. Period. I have learned the white flour causes me to feel horrible. Even a little bit does it. No more flour tortillas. Even when we eat at Hernandez I order something with corn tortillas now. Hamburger buns are off limits. They make me feel HORRIBLE. I know, weird.....

Brown rice is wonderful and tastes jus tlike white rice. Try it! Whole wheat spaghetti ain't bad either!

Balsamic vinegar stinks a little but add alot of flavor. It's good on chicken or fruit that is grilled. (peaches)

I walk and I walk and I walk. And I am faster than last year. Much faster. I can walk with the fast ladies now at the track!

I do physical labor outside when I get home from walking. Moving those rocks or chunks of cement has been great for me. I also like push mowing. Something about using those 'bigger' muscles. We use this therapy with some kids and it works....it really works!

I have learned I can live with a few pair of capris, 2 skirts and some tops. I don't need a closet full of clothes. I wear the same ones over and over anyway! :)

Going to bed keeps me from eating when I am hungry at night. Sometimes I turn in at 9. Hey, it works!

A cheesestick is ENOUGH for me for breakfast. It's the protein....sometimes I have a (as in one) scambled egg.

Eating every couple of hours helps keep my sugars up and keeps them from jumping around all day. I try to eat fresh fruit or frozen fruit for the mid morning and mid afternoon snacks. (Lately this hasn't been happening, but I am working on it!)

Water. Water. Water. I drink lots of water. That's about all I drink along with unsweetened tea. I nkow I can't believe I drink unsweetened tea, either.

I like the way my body looks. Like, not love. I am working on this. Still would like to lose a little more. (But who wouldn't?????)

I have learned that I LOVE Hummus! I have been buying it at the store (preservative free) but want to try making it this week when I get some tahini sauce. It's great with fresh veggies. I want to try it with some fresh jicama but am pretty scared! ( I have no idea why)

If I keep junk food in the  house I eat it. Therefore I don't buy it-since I am the chief grocery shopper. I have to remind myself of this when I am shopping. Over and over again.

Yes, I have 'used' the girls and Coy to keep me in check when we have to eat out. I have heard. Is that on your diet? SOOOOO many times! Sometimes it stops me, sometimes it doesn't!

I take fresh fruit with me in the car. I bag it when we get home then grab it to go when I know it will be awhile before I can get something good to eat. (I'll do this Monday when I take Grace to Children's.)

I eat less at night when Coy is sitting in here with me. When he goes to the computer I o to the kitchen....hummm I see a pattern here...need to work on this one!

I feel better. I laugh more. I love more.

~~Laurie































 

Thinking

Still taking prednisone...
Still not back on my diet like I need to be....
Still waiting on my baby to feel wondeferul after getting her wisdom teeth pulled..
Still enjoying JoGail every day...you never know what she's going to come up with !
Still thankful. THANKFUL. There's so much to be thankful for! I used to have a notebook (still have it somewhere I am sure...probably in the cedar chest) where I wrote down the thing I am thankful for. Even when things seem the most depressing I can look at my list and get a little smile out of me. One of the things I am always thankful for is Coy. We have quite a romantic (ha) story. The internet is not the place for me to share our story, but trust me on this one! Two of the most unlikely people to even think about dating each other! I will say that God led me to love him. He had to .....I detested Coy sooo much. I began praying earnestly for people that I DID NOT LIKE. and yep, he made the list-was at the top. I prayed for him almost every day for years.....years, people! Our engagement did not set the world on fire, either. He asked me at a red light after I graduated from college...yep there's that romance for ya! But it was soo sweet. He had wrapped the ring in an empty phone box (remember how big phones were back then....it was a cordless phone box) with Christmas wrapping paper. He had stuffed the box with canned vegetables to weigh it down. Some people thought we would never last. But we have. We have more than lasted. He has become more of  God fearing man that I ever imagined in my wildest dreams. He shares his faith with the girls.  He loves me....whether I am happy, depressed, manic or just so so . He just loves me. He works hard for the school he works for. He is loyal to the core to the kids and employees in that school. He always thinks about the kids when making a decision. Kids that may not even know who he is he loves and accepts and follows...and believes in. Yes, it's been a hard 16 years. Some days were really really hard. But I still pray for him. Always will. God's not through with us yet. I think back to those people who verbally told me that Coy and I would never make it. "You are  too different."  They obviously didn't believe in the power of my God. So I am continuing to pray for Coy every day. I fully believe that's the best way to show my husband how much I love him and believe in him. One more thought on Coy.....I love the way he loves me. It may not be the most romantic or traditional. But it's what makes us us.

Dreading Monday.....

Yeah, it's been nice but sickening to my stomach to 'eat what I want' this weekend....not finished yet....still one more meal to go....haha  Makes me think of a Bible verse we ran across this morning....I corinthians 10:23.......my translation......Everything is permissable but not everything is helpful...Everything is permissable but not everything shows love (or builds up).....hummm applyin that to my eating habits and I get this....you can eat what you want but it may may you sick...make you feel misearable....but go ahead you think you know better so do what YOU want.....just remember it's wasting time that you could be feeling great and helping others.....(loose translation I might add).....just some thing to chew on! The bottom line in Sunday school was that we shoul dbe building up others through love...I should be eating things that build my bodyup not OUT.....enough already........

Back to the insecurities thing.....here's a conversation I recently had at the track....

OK I've put myself out there. Everyone now knows I'm a big fat scaredy cat.

Yes, you have. But what do you think you should do with about it.

Sit at home and clean, cook and blog???

That's not what I had in mind.

Oh really.....let me try again.....wait til school starts to see who wants to 'hang out"

Uhh wrong again...how about just being a friend? ?

But I'm not really sure what that means. I mean I nkow but I don't know....

How about figuring it out?

How would I do that?

Um, I have given you guidelines......just follow them....

OK, but you better remind them to me. I have short term memory loss which makes me friendship disabled, or FD

Yes, but quit making it worse than you are....Remember how mad you get when someone else portrays someone to be worse off than they are???Remember? I thought so. So quit doing it to yourself.

Yes, it was just me at the track......I guess you could say it was a prayer....at least I hope so!

Insecurities-Digging Deep, like way deep!

Ok time for me to have more gratitue adn less attitufe....come on, you nkow what I mean....I've been grumpy or agitatable lately......(like the new word agitatable????????)  While feeling crummy I have done some sole ( as in walking) therapy.....walked for an hour and half this morning. I have no idea how far....it just felt good...anyway, back to my topic (by the way that's twice already I have been off topic, so hang in there with me!) Starting with the last week of work for me I have been thinking about my insecurities. Yep. There I laid it out on the line. I am insecure. In ALOT of ways......do I look ok? will I catch all my typo errors (Uhhh, negative, on that one), do I cook healthy meals for my family? Am I good wife? Do I have a good rapport with the families I work with? Am i growing as Christian (((triple ouch that one seems to hurt alot))).....Am I strict enough with the girls? Do I allow them enough independence? Am I teaching them what they need to know? Am I taking enough time for me? There...you get the idea. These are questions that go through my head fairly often. FAIRLY OFTEN (with emphasis)

The question is what am I going to do about this now that I realize and admit that I am insecure. Good question. Really good question.....I have trying (it's been hard focusing on reading lately) some women's christian books and they are starting to help.  I would tell you the name of them but thery are in the bedroom and Coy is asleep in there....I have to remember some things when self doubt starts creeping in.....Number one, I am a child of the King...Period..Always and Forever. There are some fringe benefits of being a Child of the King, such as having a heavenly Father that will whisper in my ear "It's ok...try it-- Forget the results....do your best and let me handle the rest..." Hummm that's food for thought....One of the insecurities we (as in God and I) is my social life. Basically I have none. Purely by MY choice...Not because people don't want me around (I don't think people think I stink...that's my story and I'm sticking to it...). But because I have no confidence in this area.  I have no practice in this area. When I was in high school something happened with me and my group of friends. I have no idea what. Seriously. No recollection. Two really good friends just quit talking to me and barely speak to me this day. I don't know if I said something, was agitatable or what. I don't know. It doesn't matter. What matters is that it made me scared. Scared to get close to people. In college I pulled away from friends as best I could. One friend, Lori, just flat out refused to let me. Yes, we've been mad at each other but she always believed in me. To this day I know I could call her and she would drop her little family and listen to me and be honest with me. I so appreciate that. (And I was very agitatable when we ran out out of toilet paper once) And there was Leigh Ann, Cassie, and Beth. They just flat out accepted me. Made me one of their own and didn't think it was strange (at least that I know of) that I enjoyed being alone studying......they are like sisters...They let me go to bed early and close all thecloset doors.......haha....Leigh Ann also told me every morning that my clothes matched even though she would be laying in bed without her glasses on....then I got married and moved to Evant....more wonderful firends, especially Cathy and Stacia....they helped me so much....I could be myself and not feel like I didn't fit in with them. When I would have a melt down they would hold my hand...They would also tell me how the cow chews the cabbage when I needed it too....still do....when I need it! Then came in Eustace.....we've been here 10 years. WOW! Deanna has been with me from the beginning....I can still call her and just cry when I need to....my walking group has helped me alot, too. I only wish we could do it year round. Kim has helped me raise the girls since she had them both. I know I can call her and laugh or gripe and she'll get me back on track...Which leads me to Mabank and my final point....my Mabank friends...Jane, Gina, Tina, Casey, and Sundee....those ladies..well let's just say they are definately helping to make me and mold me. Teaching me how to do girly things I never thought I was even intterested in (like coloring my hair to hide the gray) or making me wear certain types of bras ( and checking to make sure I had it on)........making sure if we went out to lunch there would be something there for me to eat on my diet...Yeppers, they are helping to make and mold me....even when I am aigtatable and pull deep inside myself. They let me be me.....and that my firends helps with my insecurites....tremendously. I'm getting a little more confidence back to having a 'social' life.....

I have watched one of my little sisters grow up, get hurt, love, lose a child, love even harder and still manage to make time for friends. I can too. She has been there for me and has set an example of making time for friends and myself.......bout time I took a lesson or two from her! She tells me what to wear over the phone and helps me practice what to say in social situations..... I am blessed....truly blessed.....

My church family here in Eustace has been accepted me and loved me as well. My Sunday School class is the best. We are a diverse group of people. Some retired, some still working, some talk, Coy really doesn't, the teacher wants to have a class party but noone else does......haha.....it is such a blessing to have people that just accept me. We also have a secret sister exchange at church....I haven't worked myself up to actually going to a get toggether of the ladies (see, there comes that insecurity again).....I always have an excuse...but will try to make it at least once this year. I have made some wonderful friends there...again I am so blessed...

I believe Gods will is to get me out of my cocoon.....so folks, I am working on it.....and meeting some Mabank friends for lunch on Monday. Yes, even this is an insecurity for me. But it will be just us girls (I will wear the right bra, too) and I am a Child of the King.....He will help me!!!



Now then, there's just a little glimpse inside the wandering mind of Laurie. I am left wondering if every mother gets this emotional when her baby girl gets her wisdon teeth out them comes out of her room crying because she is hurting......or maybe it's just the prednisone....or maybe, just maybe I am growing a little.....whatever it is.....I'm going with it......

~Laurie

I feel horrible!!!!

These medications are kicking me in the teeth. I feel horrible...just want to lay around all day....not hungry kind of nauseous when I do eat...still walking in the mornings. Maybe I will feel better soon!